okay!right now...something is really stopping me to sleep!i want to sleep too...but i just can't):
when you told me you had someone in ur mind alr, i thought it was her.
when i was told it wasn't her, i had the urge to know who was it.
when you said it was someone i didn't know, tears flowed down.
well maybe it was because it wasn't me.a sign of sadness?or rather it's disappointment?
i always thought by telling myself i've let go...i would really do it!but well it seems not.
i came out with thousand and million reasons to persuade myself that i've let go and that i should do so.but at this point i know i haven't.
i guess i've been bluffing myself all these while, and maybe you.you chose to believe it but at this moment i rather you don't!even if you knew that, will things turn out differently?i doubt so.
i had the urge to tell you that, but i knew its pointless.
you've already made up your mind.so yup.
for a moment, i pondered: should i stop waiting?
if i'm going to continue waiting, who knows it might going to be another long wait.in the end will i still get what i want?if the answer has to be the truth, i guess it'll be a NO!i can say that maybe i knew the answer right from the start, and what more it's supported with acceptable reasons, but i guess that glimpse of hope covered it all...
well i can't say right now whether i'm going to stop waiting or continue because i seriously have no idea!
i wouldn't want to just say and i just end up realising i'm bluffing myself again.
i've decided to stop all that nonsense!
meanwhile, i guess i'll just leave it.
if i seriously can't find an answer to it, things shall be wad it is.
for a moment, i pondered: why am i so upset?are you to be blamed?
but i realised...all these while you did nothing.so i guess you can't be blamed cause the fault doesn't lie with you.
well it might be i expected too much, or i'm still living in fairy tales, hoping that things will end up in the way i wanted it to end. or maybe i'm over reacting.we weren't even tgt in the first place, so why am i reacting so strongly?
if i'm to answer this question, all i can say is that i don't know!seriously.
maybe because i know that the chances are complete zero now.
you told me before if you got what you wanted, you'll be really happy.at the same time u asked me if i got what i wanted, will i be happy.i remembered at that moment i said i don't know.but now i tell you, yes i would!
but, if you give it a serious thought, there's only one of us who would be happy for now.it's either you or me.it isn't possible for both of us to be happy at the same time.so yup.
i know when u set your eyes on someone, you're really serious.
well all the best!
okay.i'm forever contradicting myself!
whatever it is...
it hurts so badly that i seriously needed someone to talked to.i msg xueqin.pam.huixuan about it.well though it's late alr, xueqin and pam replied me!huixuan slept early cos she needs to wake up early tmrw.i understand.i know u'll get back to me asap(: xueqin needs to go to sch tmrw and pamela is still in taiwan.i wasn't expecting for an immediate reply but they surprised me!thks for being there when i really needed you people.it's been hard on you people for the past few months.crapping about him and with all my contradicted feelings.no matter what happens you people always give me the assurance that you people will be there for me always.
THANKS!
I LOVE YOU PEEPS!(:
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